Monday, December 28, 2015

December 10, 2015 Where Are You Christmas?

I am glowing in the dark, radioactive from Ultra sounds and Ct Scans.

But I have a reprieve.  The breast lump is probably OK.  Dr. D., the surgeon is treating me without surgery.
It's not cancer.  He gives me a hug.

I will be here for Christmas.  I will cherish life.

I will walk the last  park trails.

December 25, 2015  Where Are You Christmas

Faith Hill, from The Grinch

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear the music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging.
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are You Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have to let me go

If there is love
In your heart and mine
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away

The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Will your heart with love

December 25, 2015

We are gathered around the table once again.  We take turns reading verses from Amazing Peace, the Christmas Poem read by the poet Maya Angelou, at the lighting of the National Christmas Tree on December 1, 2005.

...we clap hands and welcome the
   Peace of Christmas
We beckon this good season to stay a while
   with us
We, Baptist, Buddhist, Methodist, and
   Muslim, say come
Peace....
Peace my brother
Peace my sister
Peace my soul.


November 23, 2015 "It's Howdy Doody Time"

Buffalo Bob:  "Say, kids, what time is it?
Kids:  "It's Howdy Doody Time"

It's Howdy Doody time
It's Howdy Doody time
Bob Smith and Howdy Doo
Say Howdy Doo to you.
Let's give a rousing cheer
Cause Howdy Doody's here.
It's time to start the show
So kids let's go.

Dr. S. looks truly upset as he tells me that I have a large mass in my abdomen and a lump in my left breast.
I am stunned.  He gives me a hug.

I go home to settle my affairs.

The next day is Thanksgiving and I look around the table at my much loved children and grandchildren and wonder if I will see another Thanksgiving.

On Black Friday I buy all the Christmas presents, put them in separate large cheerful Santa Claus bags for each family in case they have to pick them up because I am going to be in the hospital.  Maybe they can have Christmas dinner in the cafeteria when they visit me, I think.  I take nine boxes of books to the Goodwill. For some reason, I feel a temporary rush of happiness and exhileration. I am singing the Howdy Doody song in my head.

My father bought our first TV when I was in elementary school. We watched Kukla, Fran and Ollie and the Howdy Doody Show.  There was a transitional screen on Howdy Doody, round like a kalidoscope which would spin around and around.  One night I dreamed of that spinning screen and awakened, knowing what the meaning of it was: I was dead.  I jumped out of my bed and ran to my sleeping parents, announcing that I was dead.

"No, you are not dead" my startled mother said feeling my forehead, "You are burning up with fever".
My father called Dr. Bundy and he came in the middle of the night and gave me a shot of penicillin. I slept peacefully under my soft quilt.

I have three more hikes to go and I will have hiked each of the forty-seven states parks.  I wonder if I can do it.

October 13, 2015 The Mystery Illness

In Columbia, I dropped James off at his school and as I drove away I was struck by the most astonishing pain: my arms, my legs, my body.  I got out of the car and sat on a bench in front of Publix Grocery Store trying to decide if I should go to the emergency room or try to get home. A security guard came and sat with me.  A native of Camden, he had worked as a fireman in New York and was there on 9-11. He then came home to retire.  The perfect guardian.  I was comforted by his presence.  The pain subsided and I drove home.

The next day I went to the doctor and was seen by a P.A. who diagnosed me so oddly with pharyngitis and put me on an antibiotic.  She told me I had a high white count and my throat looked red.  As I was going out the door, she said, "Maybe you should go to the emergency room."

I went home and for the next five days lay on my couch under the frayed soft quilt of my childhood watching true crime shows until I became very depressed and switched to the Food Network.

I had planned to go across I-20 to Hamilton Branch for a hike on Oct. 13, but I am laid low.